You dread Mondays. You look forward to Thursdays, especially if Friday is a holiday. You can finally spend the long weekend catching up on work that you have not been able to get to during the week.
You dread mornings too. As the clock strikes 10 pm, you feel your mind begin to relax. You are expected to be asleep, so no one is likely to expect a response to their chats or emails. This is a good time to focus on that tricky piece of analysis without the fear of 'quick question' pings and asides.
If you are an Extra Miler, this is the norm of your life. You do your core work when the whole world theoretically knows it would be highly improper to ping you.
The regular hours of the working day vanish like a snowflake in the sun. Constant pings and requests swallow your calendar. 'Quick question', 'a small favour', 'you are the expert', 'we need you in this meeting' hit you relentlessly. Every 'yes' is a tiny deposit that meets your need to be included, seen and appreciated.
Being needed is genuinely fulfilling. It is as human as it gets. We are social creatures, and we cannot exist in isolation. When we are not seen by others, it is as good as not existing. This is why solitary confinement is amongst the most brutal forms of punishments.
But notice what this steady stream of sprinkling your time and energy is costing you. The more you give into these requests, the more they grow. They grow until they expand to fill your working hours and calendar, leaving you scrounging for bandwidth and time outside of your office hours to do your work.
If this is you, pause and ask yourself gently: What is fuelling this behaviour that ignores your own well-being in order to be helpful?
If the source of this behaviour springs from being needed, wanting validation, approval and appreciation from others, then that need can never be truly satisfied. You are trying to fill an internal cup with an external tap. The giving does bring a lasting sense of satisfaction or fulfilment. Instead, it locks you into a Pavlovian loop where this becomes the default way you meet your needs from the outside in.
The systems in organisations encourage this behaviour. Typically, 20% to 35% of high-value collaboration comes from only 3% to 5% of employees, the Extra Milers. So organisations reward people who go the extra mile with appreciation, recognition and more work.
Beyond a certain level, the reward is not career advancement. The careers of Extra Milers plateau after a certain point, because no one can fill their shoes. They are more valuable to the organisation where they are, than they would be a level up, so the organisation keeps them exactly where they are most valuable rather than lose them to a promotion.
Being wanted and valued is human, but not at the price of burnout, exhaustion and cynicism that eventually arrives at the Extra Miler's doorstep.
The invitation here is to bring the care and concern that you offer your organisation and team to yourself, too. It is to tend to your own internal cup offering yourself compassion, acknowledgement and appreciation, instead of depending entirely on external sources to fill it.
How can you give in a way that fills your own cup along with others? How can you go the extra mile within, without emptying your cup and burning out?
Frequently asked questions
Why do high performers end up doing their real work at night?
High performers who are Extra Milers spend their regular working hours responding to constant requests, pings, and meetings from colleagues who depend on their competence. Their core work gets pushed to after hours, often after 10 PM, when interruptions stop. This is not a time management problem. It is a systemic pattern where organisations reward helpfulness with more demands until the employee's own work can only happen in stolen hours.
Is being helpful at work always a trap?
Being helpful is not inherently a trap. It becomes one when the motivation is driven primarily by an internal need for validation, approval and appreciation from others. When helpfulness becomes the default way of meeting emotional needs from the outside in, it creates a Pavlovian loop that escalates until the helper burns out. The distinction is whether you are giving from a full cup or emptying it to feel valued.
Why do Extra Milers get stuck instead of promoted?
Organisations keep Extra Milers where they are most valuable. Because no one can fill their shoes, promoting them would create a gap the organisation cannot afford. Research shows that 20% to 35% of high-value collaboration comes from only 3% to 5% of employees. These individuals become so embedded in the organisation's functioning that their career advancement is sacrificed for operational continuity.